Gripes- major ones

Last night I had some crappy dreams.  In one, I had a baby whose diapers kept ripping, and I found out someone was cutting the sides so they would rip.  I, and the people who were with me, needed to go somewhere 11 hours away, and somehow they all took off without me, and with my phone.  I was stuck trying to drive a very heavy and too tall motorcycle without money or a phone for 11 hours! I couldn't figure out how to shift and I fell.
Crappy dreams usually mean something is going on in my life that I am upset about but can't deal with.  I know what I am upset about.  My kids are moving 3 states away with their dad.  You've never heard me talk crap about their dad.  Today I just might.

Last month he called me to tell me he missed me.  This didn't surprise me because we have maintained a decent friendship after the divorce.  Then he told me that he still wanted to grow old with me.  How sweeet, right? This was heartbreaking to me.  I left for a reason and I really don't think I could go back.  I do miss family- especially with my kids.  I miss my own home.  I miss being a wife and full time mom.  But that's not enough for me to go running back to him.  I told him that.  I told him that I was sorry, I don't want to hurt him again, and his flirting really makes my heart ache.  He told me he was just flirting, it was a joke, and he and the kids would not want me to live under their roof again.  Ouch!  Here I was worrying about his feelings.

Who is gonna worry about mine?

Did he worry about my feelings when my car broke down on the freeway and I had my 2 year old daughter with me?  We had been working at cleaning a house and we looked cruddy and practically homeless.  I called him, I was ten miles away from home, and the car wasn't going anywhere.  He had no car- but he had a phone and people he knew with cars- could he help me?  No, he couldn't.  He had to go get our son from school.  I'd find a way home.  I took a ride from a stranger.  he had a carseat and cracker crumbs all over his car.  He seemed safe.  I made it home safely- without the ex's help.

Did he worry about my feelings when he was angry and upset at the world?  Did he stifle his thoughts because he knew they were untrue?  How many times did I hear how I was nothing because I was just an at home mom?  I made no money so I was worthless?  How many times was I taken for granted? 

And now- The kids needed to be checked out of school.  School says only the parent that checked them in can check them out.  He needs to fly in early from where he is living to check the kids out.  I only get one day a week with my kids, and they are leaving.  I get to rush through dinner so he won't be mad that he has to wait for them at the airport a couple of minutes.  Plus, the kids think he has full custody of them.  I have nothing.

For the record, I must go look at the divorce papers- I recall 50/50 custody with the kids deciding to live with dad - he had the house, the toys, I had a boyfriend and was the fault of the break-up.

The major gripe?  He posts on facebook: I have to go pick up the kids who I have custody of... What the heck?  Why do you need to point that out?  trying to impress someone?  trying to look like the good parent or cool dad?  Trying to hurt me.again? 

Then he gripes they weren't on time to pick him up at the airport.  He knew they were with me.  He knew this is the last time I get to see them until most likely summer.  Deal with it, jerk.

When do I get treated like a human?  when do I get a pat on the back for being there every moment and taking care of all their needs until I left?  I was an at home mom for 11 years.  I was sole feeder, diaper changer, booboo kisser.  I was the even temper, rule setter, fun mommy.  I was a good wife.  Running errands, cooking dinner, cleaning house, making a house a home.  Ex even admitted (he was probably drunk) that he didn't realize how much I did. 

And yet- he is still making me out to be the bad guy.  I started dating quickly after the divorce- Boyfriend is a friend I knew from high school and someone I went out with for drinks.  Ex assumes I cheated and left for Boyfriend.  Lets play devils advocate- OK?  What if I did?  Was the marriage whole and good if I looked elsewhere?  Many can tell you I didn't leave for boyfriend- I was out the door already.

So, I am the bad guy.  I have no redeeming values, and my kids have major issues with me.  Ex says he doesn't bad-mouth me in front of the kids, be he also doesn't root for me, does he?  he doesn't point out to the kids what I put into the family and how I was taken for granted.  He doesn't remember his negative points and tears he put into the marriage.  He is happy to think it is all my fault.

I was almost Ok with that- I think my kids will come around as the grow older.  We were going out and getting along.  They were seeing that their dad is demanding and impatient.  But now ex isn't just thinking.  Ex is voicing.  Ex is taking my kids three states away where I will have little affect on them and he will burrow into their brains.

I worry.

*for the record- my kids do not read this blog unless I bring it up for them and ask them to read it.  Right now, they are packing a van to move and are not on facebook or the internet.  I am am 99% certain that they will not read this, so I am not badmouthing their dad to them.  I wouldn't do that.  I don't want them to think negatively about their dad because of me.  Even as kids, if they griped about him, I tried to tell them his side.  If later, they decide they don't like some of his traits- that's their decision.  But I don't want my opinion swaying theirs.

Miyu Yamabe - Tokyo Girls

Miyu Yamabe Profile :

Name : Miyu Yamabe
Hangul : 山邊未夢
Nickname : Miyu, Myubbi, Myubii
Birthday : 24 June 1996
Age Now : 16 Year old
Blood type : B
Birthplace : Chiba Prefecture, Japan
Profession : Japanese actress and singer.

Atsuko Maeda - Japanese Beautiful Girl

positivity

My funny and wonderful brother said something the other day ( a day I spent with 6th graders that enjoy bad-mouthing each other) that made me think.  

I sent him that video- the one with the totally adorable asian boy singing "I'm Yours"- and told him that I wanted the kid for myself.  My brother replied "Well, he isn't singing English, and he has a freakishly amazing ability to play music at age 4, so he must be Korean- I can probably find him for you" (my bro lives in Korea).

Why'd that make me think?  Look at it again.  It's a compliment, right?  It's also a prejudicial and racial statement.  My brother rocks, he has managed to make statements like that positive.  Why don't we do that as a society?

Lemme give you some examples- and they might make some people angry- but just know that what I am about to say I might not believe and what I do believe is said with love and respect:

Instead of "Mexicans coming to the US don't bother to learn English"  why don't we say "I applaud those from Mexico that are able to learn the difficult English language and maintain their birth language as well" ?

or "Black people are all gangsters and thugs"  why not say "Black people are so good at sports"

or "White people are woosies"  becomes "White people are non-accostive"

Obviously some of the prejudice are still lies- as all people from one race are never exactly the same- but at least it's more positively prejudicial.

We could keep this positivity up whilst walking through our daily life too- huh?  That lady that just cut you off, wow, she managed to fit her big car into such a small space!  The woman doesn't need driving school- she needs an award for tetris or something.    The kid that just lied to you didn't lie, he is honing his creative storytelling skills.

No- just teasing- not like that.  Some people need to be called out for their negative actions in a constructive way.  They need to see reprecussions.

What I am saying is that we need to harp on the good traits our people (friends, family, class, society, etc) have rather than focusing on the negative.  My mom's cat Lily should be appreciated for her spunk and entertainment qualities.  I might not have mopped today- but you can appreciate that I cooked dinner and looked pretty while doing it.  The dinner might not have been fatty and greasy like you like, but it was healthy and your stomach will thank me later.

You get the picture?  good.  My brain just stopped working.  I couldn't give any more examples.
There are a lot of these nice "programs" out there- operation nice, post it notes, etc....all trying to get people to be kind and complimentary.  it's good for everybody's souls.

Akina Aoshima

Akina Aoshima Profile :

Name : Akina Aoshima
Birthdate :1987/03/04
Home : Miyazaki Prefecture
Age Now : 23 Year old
Height : 160 cm
Weight : 50 kg
Measurements : 87 - 58 - 86 cm
Special skill : Japanese dance
Hobbies : Basketball, singing
Profession : Japanese race queen and gravure idol.

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Japanese model and actress wearing Haruhi Suzumiya Cosplay. They looks very beautiful and cute girls. I like it, How do you like about Japanese girls wear Haruhi Suzumiya..?

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Ms. O(mg)

News from the classroom this week: A sixth grader decided I shouldn't be Ms.O but instead, I should be Ms.OMG- I love it!

Today I worked with 2nd graders. Second graders are normally cool. It's kind of funny to see them interact with friends because some of the time you get glimpses of them, and some of the time they become their parents. Today I had a second grader whose parents I probably wouldn't like- because I sure as heck couldn't bring myself to like her- not even one iota. I tried- I usually can find good in anyone and I usually end up adoring even the most difficult children. Not this one. I couldn't see any redeeming quality in her.

She was bossy. She was pushy. She was the chunky puppy in the litter that steals all the food. She was ogre or troll, and here I was without my troll cross! She was whiney. She knew everything. She had no qualms about telling you that she knew everything. She expected immediate obedience or she sighed a big sigh. She expected pity for a tiny dot of a boo boo. I can't pity a troll who isn't really hurt.

One child was in charge of the heater. I was his job to turn the switch on or off according to my direction. I asked that kid to turn off the heater. He got up and walked over to the switch. Trollgirl jumped out of her chair, flew across the room, pushed him to the side, and tried to turn off the switch herself. He said "It's my job, I was getting it." She said (with a big troll sigh) "you were taking too long, hurrumph.".

I can see how her parents must talk to her. They must push her aside if she doeesn't immediately get what they are asking, or do things quickly enough. They must berate her for her slowness. They must stomp through life with their big green troll feet smashing everything in the pathway.

I'm not one to always blame the parents, though we are very much a product of our environment. Home is the environment in which we spend the greatest amount of shaping time. We might be at school more often, but we change teachers and don't care what they think as much as we care what our parents think.

In this instance, I can clearly see her mimicking her parents. They have to be the ones that modeled impatience and bullying. Or, at the very least, they allow (and therefore propogate) this behavior from her thinking it is cute. It's not. She was quite ugly on the inside already. In second grade (7 years old!)- how sad.

Tokyo Girls Style

Tokyo Girls' Style (東京女子流 ) is a Japanese girl pop group currently signed under avex trax. They from Tokyo Joshiryu, Japan. They were announced on 2010 January 01, with the launching of their official site; the goal was to introduce a girl a day on the site, but all girls were leaked on the first day. They looks very beautiful and cute girls. How do you think about Tokyo Girl's Style..?

Ayano Konishi - Tokyo Girls

Ayano Konishi Profile :

Name : Ayano Konishi
Nickname : Aachan
Birthday : 15 December 1997
Birthplace : Osaka, Japan
Age Now : 13 Year old
Blood type : O
Profession : Japanese model and pop singer.